Cryptic Text Messages from My Husband

My husband is a funny guy and a phenomenal husband and father but it can be beyond annoying to be on the receiving end of his text messages.

cryptic text from my husband

Do you receive cryptic texts from your husband? I know I’m not alone because two Twitter friends told me their husbands do the same thing.

It goes a little something like this:

Text from Husband: I saw a freaking spaceship

My first text: OMG are you serious? YOU saw a spaceship. Where?!? This is crazy. I knew it.

My second text: That man I saw at the subway wearing that fiery sandwich board was right! The end is near! Are you there? Did they take you? Do they have your phone!?!

My third text: Okay, I’m worried. Are you there? This isn’t funny. Did. They. Take. You? Can you text in morse code?

My fourth text: Alright if I don’t hear from you in 3 minutes I am calling the police. I love you.

Text from my husband: Oh, hey sorry had to use the toilet. So I saw this freaking spaceship cake at this bakery I walked by and I was wondering if you could make me one just like it.

My fifth text: I hate you so much. >:-|


Text from Husband: So I was at Steak & Shake and this Forbes billionaire needed my table and I got two free meals!

My first text: OMG! Was it Oprah? Are you having dinner with Oprah?

My second text: Hey what’s happening? Are you eating dinner with a billionaire? Did you mention I have a single sister?

My third text: WHERE ARE YOU!?! Was this a hostile takeover of your seating at Steak & Shake? WHO does that? Who is this jerk! It was f***ing Zuckerberg wasn’t it?

My fourth text: Why are you eating at Steak & Shake? I thought you were watching your weight too? You know what it does to your stomach! WHERE ARE YOU!?! What did you order? I’m so hungry. : (

Text from my husband: Oh sorry was playing a video game. Oh, I was at the Steak & Shake and management asked whether I would give up my seat for the Billionaire in exchange for two free meals so I said yes.

My fifth text: Did you at least network? Do we have a billionaire friend?

Text from my husband: Nope.

My sixth text: We’re in the hugest fight right now.

cryptic text from my husband

Am I the only one?




***I would like to mention that the man is an absolute saint for putting up with me. Obviously I’m nuts but he is a jerk for sending these juicy sounding texts amirite?***
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  1. Ha! I don’t cryptic messages but my husband will just stop responding to my texts which just makes me respond with even crazier texts. I crack myself up doing that.
    Nicole recently posted… Chocolate pudding tartsMy Profile

  2. I LOVE that you send multiple replies, each one with more and more intensity because I do the SAME THING. I have a conversation with myself, basically. I mean, they’re not replying so what else are we going to do? 😉
    Mary recently posted… Facebook is the DevilMy Profile

  3. HA! Love it. We have the same kind of text conversations. But really, he shouldn’t leave you hanging; that’s just mean. Especially when it has to do with a billionaire best friend.
    Amanda Austin recently posted… Just Like DaddyMy Profile

  4. I am literally about to take off in a ROFLcopter RIGHT NOW because I do the EXACT same thing with my husband. When I send multiple replies to his ONE text, he calls them “Flex Bombs” like Funkmaster Flex uses during his mixshows (can you tell he’s from Brooklyn?) and he doesn’t respond until like daaaaaaays later because he won’t reply unless he’s absolutely sure my Flex Bombs have subsided. I am *crying* right now, because your exchanges remind me so much of ours. The only thing worse is our gchat conversations.

  5. We may as well be married to the same man and be the same person.

  6. LOL! I am soo happy that I’m not the only one who sends multiple messages when I don’t get a response!