Jealous of my husband?
The first time someone asked me whether I was jealous of my husband I was speechless. It was a great question. I’d never thought about it before but he is living my (former) dreams.
I visited Cornell’s Johnson School of Business for its prospective student diversity weekend the week after I met my husband at another school’s recruiting event (five years ago on this very day). I made friends that weekend who went on to graduate from Cornell and secure impressive post MBA jobs. I introduced my husband to some of them. I wanted to be a management consultant. I was recruited by a company and extended an offer contingent upon graduation from the college I was attending. I switched schools when I moved to Vermont, got pregnant and married, and am obviously not a management consultant. My husband interviewed with that firm last week. We’re waiting to hear whether he made it to final rounds.
I’m not jealous. I have many flaws but jealousy isn’t one of them and I don’t think its possible to be jealous of someone you truly love. I couldn’t be more proud of my husband. He juggles classwork, family life, recruiting obligations, projects, and the occasional DJ gig like a champ. I’m impressed and proud but I am not envious of him.
The Johnson School was my top choice as a prospective student. I’ll never get the chance to attend due to my husband’s career. After he graduates it’s highly unlikely we will live anywhere near this area. That kind of stinks but I’ll survive. There are plenty of programs out there for me to explore. I’ve enjoyed our time here and the friendships I’ve made over the year but I am okay with moving on.
I learned through this experience that I do not want to be a management consultant. The recruiting process is ultra competitive and if I am to be completely honest I’m not sure I have the right skill set. I’ve prepped for cases before and performed well on the softball ones they give you at school prospective days but that’s a far cry from the real deal perform on the spot against Harvard, Wharton, and Tuck MBAs who can do percentages in their heads! Seriously. Did you know people do this? It’s the devils work. In my defense I was out of school when they did percentages because I had the chicken pox. So. There.
Anyway, my husband can do all sorts of quantitive devil tricks in his head and quizzes me all the time. I hate it. Imagine ME on a case interview? No thanks. *Shudders* Oh and I do not enjoy financial modeling. I’ve watched my husband prepare for his interviews and I’m not interested. I’m happy for him and ima let him finish but it’s just not a good fit for where I am in my life.
My husband and I decided that he would go first. This is his time. My job is to make his life as easy as I can and to support him. I chose this. It’s sometimes difficult when I’m at an event with him and people forget that I’m a human being who existed for many years before she was a mother and is capable of discussing things besides her children. That can be annoying but it’s no one’s fault. That’s my issue. I have this ridiculous need to remind people I have a brain but then struggle with basic math so I should probably be quiet and enjoy the dip.
It’s funny watching my husband live what i thought where my dreams. I’ve learned a lot in the process. What i thought was without a doubt what I wanted to do with my life isn’t. My priorities have changed. It’s a combination of the lifestyle I’d like for our family and having a realistic view of what the pursuit of those dreams entails.
People who pursue their MBAs are driven, ambitious, and hard-working people who are usually attracted to people with similar goal and behaviors. It’s a bit difficult to wait your turn when you’ve spent your adult life working towards your dreams but try to be patient. You might learn more about yourself during this process than you expected. I trust my husband and know that he keeps my goals in mind when making career decisions. It’s part of what makes this process difficult. He has to accept a job that works for all of us and that isn’t easy.
I’m not saying I know exactly what I want to be doing a year from now but I know what I don’t want to be doing. That’s equally important. I’m not jealous of my husband. I’m proud and thankful that he’s taking on the case interviews so I don’t have to. Thanks homie and happy day we met-iversary.
Pumpkin carving at Cornell’s Big Red Barn last weekend.
I think it takes a very strong and confident person to be able to say genuinely that they aren’t jealous and I think that much is obvious through your writing. I have to give you a lot of credit, mainly because I’m not so sure I’d be able to be that strong, confident wife. My husband and I were lucky (maybe not the right word) that we both finished our Masters degrees around the same time. I can say that his from Johns Hopkins (in Applied Econ) and mine from University of Baltimore (in Public Admin) are often judged in very different ways and that can frustrate me. We both worked hard and had different goals in mind, but my lil’ old public school always gets the shaft! I have the tendency to get a little vocal about it and then without doubt, do something incredibly dumb (like basic math!). I should just enjoy the dip as well. Anyway, sorry for the long comment, just wanted to say I think its awesome that you’re so supportive of your husband (and vice versa!).
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Don’t be sorry for the long comment I loved it! I totally know what you mean and my husband went to a state school for undergrad now you just imagine how some of the snobs in the ivy league react to THAT tidbit. People can be so foolishly judgmental about the most ridiculous things but thankfully it says a lot about them.
Thank you for the kind words but I think youre right and my husband and I sometimes wonder what things would be like if we both came here and got MBAs together before we had kids. Who knows? I believe the way it is right now is the way it was meant to be so I don’t ask myself what if often because im sincerely happy with my decision you know? And next time you and I can enjoy the dip together
xo
Veronica recently posted… Jealous of my husband?
Beautifully written, Veronica! From everything I have read on here I could have already guessed jealously was not a trait of yours. You are right, relationships are about support. Whether good or bad it comes down to support. You still are driven, ambitious, and hard-working — it’s just channeled in a different way. You’ve got the best of both worlds, Mama. Spending your days with those beautiful children (even though someday’s our hair is falling out from it — lol) and then being able to later pursue your dream. <3 You and your hubby are such beautiful role models for your children.
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Wow Nina thank you for your beautiful and supportive comment. I’m so lucky to have you xo
You make me feel like Ive done the right thing. I’ll never get this time back and I wouldnt trade it for anything. Coincidentally my hair IS falling out and the stupid tub won’t drain again lol
Veronica recently posted… Jealous of my husband?
@SewSoDef
I like that you point out that he is making sacrifices, too. You don’t get to go to Cornell but he doesn’t get to accept any position if it doesn’t work for all of you. Either way you both still have impressive and exciting options available and that’s really cool.
It’s also good to recognize and accept that what you thought you wanted isn’t what you want anymore. I’ve certainly been through that, I think most people have. Even if they got what they wanted at the time, life has a way of changing us and I know a ton of successful people who used their original plans as stepping stones, or lessons learned, for their next Big Thing. And the funny thing is that sometimes you’re able to reach way back into your old experiences & bring them into what you’re doing now, in a way you never expected.
As for being quiet and eating some dip? I get what you’re saying but I think you still have every right and moreso the *ability* to participate in some of those conversations. I mean, if it’s clear they just want to talk percentages and modeling, no reason to butt in just because you want to. But your past experiences and this blog world you’re in now gives you a unique AND informed opinion on business and that can add to a lot of conversations. I think about this sometimes as I work with a bunch of people who have degrees out the wazoo and “all” I have is my puny high school diploma. Many of them don’t know this, they assume anyone working here has at least a master’s. And I’m defensive because I did go to college, I just didn’t graduate (oh hai babies and marriage and work). YET. There are times I’m intimidated and think that I probably should not attempt to contribute to the conversation but most of the time I jump in and I’ve found that my ability to learn didn’t stay within the walls of my old university, it’s stayed with me this entire time and I DO have something to contribute. (Thus everyone’s surprise upon learning I do not hold even the most standard of higher ed degrees). Womp womp womp.
I love seeing these opportunities unfold for you guys.
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I really enjoyed this post, Veronica. I love the lines, “It’s a bit difficult to wait your turn when you’ve spent your adult life working towards your dreams but try to be patient. You might learn more about yourself during this process than you expected. I trust my husband and know that he keeps my goals in mind when making career decisions. It’s part of what makes this process difficult. He has to accept a job that works for all of us and that isn’t easy.” I think it’s easy to forget the important of patience and the value of foresight. I have put my career and academic ambitions on hold to be with my children. I never imagined that I could be happy in doing this, but I am. I appreciate this experience and have learned much about my dreams and self through this process.
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@unhipnic
I really liked this post. I find it interesting how our wants and needs change over the years. Five years ago, I never would have imagined that having kids would bring me the most joy out of anything else in my life (even on days I want to sell them to gypsies!). I’ve been through that phase of re-discovering what I wanted and who I was before kids. It was not pretty. I love how level headed and genuinely happy you seem about the direction your life is going.
You and your husband have both made sacrifices and will continue to do so. Because that’s what good parents do. And the options you guys have open to you are so amazing.
I would relax and enjoy the dip (dip is freaking delicious!) but don’t be made to feel you *have* to enjoy the dip. Your experiences and opinions are no less valid than anyone else’s.
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