Life of an MBA Wife: Part One
I was motivated to write this post after a friend inquired as to what life with my husband around 24/7 would resemble. There are a lot of misconceptions surrounding business school and I thought I would clear some up. I want people to understand the life we will be living for the next two years. That way you know that some of my whining and caterwauling is not for naught.
My husband was previously enrolled in an MBA program part-time while he worked. He took evening classes and that was it. Of course he spent some time on weekends working with class groups on projects but he was home most of the time. The school he attended was not an elite school but it was a regionally respected school. A degree from that institution would have sufficed if we wanted to settle down in Vermont. We decided that we did not.
I encouraged my husband to apply to different business schools. His resume was impressive and he is intelligent. I could tell that he was not always sufficiently challenged in his current program. His grades were excellent and I was confident in his ability to gain entry into a more challenging and nationally recognized program.
K studied and researched and studied and obsessed and was admitted into the SC Johnson Graduate School of Management at Cornell University. We were elated but I knew I had a challenging 2+ years ahead of me. Pursuing a full-time MBA from an elite institution as a father of two young children requires a lot of support. I knew that I would spend the majority of my time alone with the children.
My husband will be traveling, meeting with recruiters, participating in important school clubs, and networking constantly. His schedule will always be packed especially once classes and studying are thrown into the mix.
It is not a lifestyle for the insecure. K will constantly be around ambitious, impressive, brilliant, and interesting people. He will come home late, travel often, and schmooze constantly. MANY people end up divorced before the two years are up. There is a lot of temptation and strain that is placed on a relationship. Am I worried? Nope. Worrying is a waste of time. I trust my husband and know that I am pretty much the most awesome person he could ever meet so what is there to worry about? Also he is way too cheap to even want to think about divorcing me so I have that going for me : )
A good friend of mine is a Harvard Business School graduate. He told me he was worried about the effect the next two years would have on me. I thought he was referring to the statistical probability of one’s spouse cheating. Turns out he meant that he was worried that I would cheat! It isn’t the first time I have heard about business school spouse/partner shenanigans.
I have a lot more to say on the topic but since this post is quickly becoming a novel I will stop for now. Here are some pictures from our first family visit to Cornell a few months ago.
Do you have any graduate school experience, wisdom, or support you care to share with me? I am all ears.
My boyfriend and I just finished grad school. We embarked on the grad school journey at the same time two years ago but we didn’t get into the same schools, so we did it together but a thousand miles apart. It was effing hard. We are both driven, hard working people and we’re passionate about what we do. We’re passionate about each other, too, but sometimes that fell by the wayside in the face of jealousy, miscommunication, exhaustion, busy-ness and sheer stupidity. We broke up for a hot minute this spring as things were at their most feverish and we re-discovered what is truly important to each of us, to the both of us. Breaking up was not the solution to our problems, and we’re still working those out but we’re doing fantastically. The break-up served more as a wake-up and showed us that we have to be more deliberate about each other, about the passion between us and to treat each other like we should have been all along. Keeping him as a priority in my life, and vice versa, has been fundamental to this renaissance we’re having. I’m happy to report that grad school didn’t ruin my life, but it very nearly did. Good luck, and keep us posted.
@SewSoDef
I work at a grad school but most of our students are fresh out of undergrad. Due to your husband’s age, work and life experiences and that he’s not new to being an adult student, most of my advice isn’t necessary.
However, he must remember to always talk to all advisors (financial aid, academic, registrar, etc.) before making changes to his status (full time to part time, concentration or track switch, leave of absence, etc.) So he’s fully informed of implications of his choices. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and don’t assume policies are the same everywhere. If he needs to slow down for a semester, it’s not the end of the world – better to recognize his challenges than break himself or the family by pushing himself too hard, even in a program like that. Admit fear, being overwhelmed. Faculty expect high performers, not superhumans. They can share coping strategies. Asking for help is a sign of maturity, not weakness
You: keep an eye on him. Most schools have a variety of support services from academics to career planning to health – if he needs help, encourage him to seek it. Figure out a plan for “keep the relationship alive” time, whatever that is for you. Sex, tv, dinner, playtime w kids. Rare is ok, nonexistant will be harmful. If it has to get rescheduled, fine. Don’t go too long without it. Brainstorm the best way to keep each other updated so you’re not strangers in two years. Texts? Emails? Quick calls where you know he only has one minute (and you don’t try to talk for five)? If it doesn’t work, try something new.
Find other wives/moms in the same boat. Lean on each other. Be careful who you share your complaints with.
Tell him not to be a jerk to folks who work at the school. Staff and faculty will bend over backwards for students who respect them and treat them with consideration. Tell him to be on time with deadline stuff – not just classwork, but registration, financial aid, etc. Ignorance of policies is no excuse, he must read his handbook, catalog, etc. If he’s a jerk or unprepared, his faculty will hear about it, no matter who the interaction is with.
Again- he likely knows all this. Just sayin…
@SewSoDef
Oh, and tell him to find out who the administrative person for his program is. They have different titles: admin, secretary, office manager, program manager. Usually the person who sends out stuff like book lists, course schedules, etc., often the right hand of the program chair/director/lead faculty. This person can make life easier or harder. They know the ins and outs of how the school works and can hook him up: cool projects, recommendations, waived fees, free lunch, student jobs, first look at important info, etc.
And if you have any specific questions about navigating higher ed, lemme know.
@nystoopmama
First of all: being accepted to the MBA program at Cornell is AMAZING. So congrats on that, seriously. I have a bunch of friends who went to Cornell, and they’re super smarty pants. Good for HIM!
I wouldn’t worry about it at all. I was totally full-time when I went to grad school, and the school was closer to my parents’ house on LI than our apartment in brooklyn, so I ended up spending about 5 nights away from him a week for 2 whole years. (Pre-kid, pre-wedding) It was fine. Yes, he’ll be swamped, and will live in the library, at class, etc. You might be having a tough day and REALLY need some help with the 2 peanuts that he might not be able to give you simply because he HAS to do work. Just be ready for that.
Try, for at least one speck of time a week, to get some YOU time. Not only couple time…but YOU time. Alone. To do something you enjoy. If you don’t, you may get resentful that you’re not getting enough help and a break, etc.
I was just reading the magazine Edible Brooklyn yesterday, and they had an entire section on amazing restaurants and vineyards (and other cool things) up in your new area. Obv there’s Moosewood, which is one of my fave cookbooks and is in Ithaca… but there were so many others, farmers markets, etc. It’s a popular area for former liberal Brooklynites (which means it’s super cool, of course.)
Thank God for a wife that’s there to support him. It also helps that he knows “its cheaper to keep her” These 2 years will be a task but will be over before you know it. My hubby & I both went to technical schools so can’t offer any advice there
Hi! I follow you on twitter, and finally checked out your blog. My husband is a Naval Submarine Officer, and he’s decided that he’s getting out and is applying to several MBA programs. Tomorrow he’s heading up to Tuck for his interview. HBS, Wharton, and Darden are the others he’s applied to. I’m looking forward to it. Compared to submarine life, and raising my son on my own, it don’t feel like it will get any worse, haha! Anyway, I’m looking forward to following along on your blog!
Becca
Twitter: SunshineBecs80