My husband doesn’t wear a wedding ring. Are you judging him?
A popular post on Blogher about wedding rings and judgment sparked a discussion between my husband and I. He doesn’t wear a wedding ring because the one we picked out forever ago didn’t fit well and could not be resized. We both have a lot on our plates and a million things we would rather do than pick out another wedding ring. It’s lame and boring but he mentioned that he often feels judged.
Someone will ask about his marital status, he will mention me and the kids, and then he waits for the inevitable glance at his offensively bare finger. Bam. No wedding ring. My husband mentioned how the glance is usually followed by a strange and sort of accusatory look. He thinks that they think (bare with me here) he is one of those guys.
You know the type of guy I’m talking about. He forgets to wear his wedding ring and then trolls on unsuspecting women at Target drenched in Axe body spray while wearing a velour sports coat. One of those guys. My husband finds this offensive and has demanded we buy him a ring immediately. I’m planning on it soon but first I need to find a good length maxi skirt. Seriously, what’s more boring than shopping for a man’s wedding band?
It doesn’t bother me that he isn’t wearing a ring at the moment. I really don’t care. Why are people caring (judging?) on my behalf ? Are they? Is it my husband’s perception? He insists that the looks are real and people think he is a part-time creeper of some sort. It bothers him because he is a very devoted husband and father and would never wear a velour sports coat or Axe body spray.
I’m not a smug married. I do not believe that marriage makes my relationship superior to those of unmarried couples. We got married to save money on insurance since we were employed by the same company. Romantic, huh? I don’t think marriage is some special pact that God gave to humanity as a gift (yes, I’m Christian and I know some of you truly like to believe that but I’m not with you). I know for a fact that wedding rings do not prevent any kind of shenanigans if the wearer of said ring is a douche of the worst kind. It doesn’t work that way. It’s just a piece of jewelry. Nothing more.
It’s time we stopped allowing gold, platinum, or aluminum foil rings serve as our relationship barometers. Our marriage is fantastic, not because my husband was kind enough to buy me two gorgeous rings (thanks though and more please!) but because my husband brings me Starbucks to say sorry. It’s fantastic because I make mug cakes on command while my husband plays video games after 12 hours of classes and studying. It’s fantastic because we make it so in our own (materialistic and gluttonous) way.
Soon we will get around to picking out the freaking ring so everyone can stop assuming my husband is a creeper. Thanks for your concern but he isn’t. However if you must judge then judge us for being lazy and thinking wedding related shopping is the most boring thing on earth.