You are cool. Do you know how I know? Because you are here. I want to reward you for your impeccable style and taste. I have been blogging for approximately 8 months and you have stuck by me through the insufferable boredom of my personal ups and downs. I appreciate you and it is time to do it big. Today I am giving away to one very special reader a petite lap giraffe.

Petite lap giraffes are to cool kids what mustaches, Wiz Khalifa, and American Apparel are to hipster douchebags: ESSENTIAL.

They are much more than a loveable, snuggly pet. The petite lap giraffe is a statement in and of itself. It tells those around you: you suck and I don’t. Owning one of these bad boys will make people wish they were you.

These beautiful creatures come from Sokoblovsky Farms the exclusive and sole breeder of the world’s finest petite lap giraffes. They are luxurious creatures and can often be found relaxing poolside at celebrity playgrounds such as Fontainebleu. Has your Birken bag grown old and tired? Throw a baby giraffe in it. INSTANT class.

Please do not enter this giveaway if you live in a Hoarders caliber home.  These giraffes need and deserve the finest surroundings. A gravy covered possum infested hovel will not do.

If your new pet deems your home to be unacceptable you are responsible for its first class ticket back to Russia. These bitches don’t fly coach.

If you think you posses the exquisite grace and opulent lifestyle (and of course you do or why else would you be here.) necessary to maintain these fine creatures in the manner to which they have grown accustomed, then enter this giveaway.

All it takes is a simple comment below.

*April Fools! This is obviously a complete joke. If you believed this for even a second then you should probably stop being my friend and start hanging out with my sister. She was the one person on planet Earth that was surprised when Ricky Martin came out of the closet. She would probably be a better fit for you. Seriously though have an awesome day and thanks for reading.*