Please don't call my husband Super Dad.
A handful of women I have met during my time here think my husband is a superhero for doing regular, routine, and ordinary dad things such as cooking breakfast for the family, food shopping alone, or carving pumpkins with us on a Saturday. Apparently that is all it takes to launch a man into Superman status. How many of you moms do those things regularly?
When is the last time a man called you Super Mom for getting a barbecue stain out of some Bermuda shorts? Where is our parade!?!
My husband is fantastic. I could not have asked for a better father for my children. I am lucky, they are lucky, and he is wonderful. I tell him often. However, he is not Super Dad. He is fulfilling his obligations to his family as a man and as a father. Is our standard for men as parents so low that when we see one performing his normal fatherly duties it is something to celebrate?
I feel very strongly about this because my standards for myself as a mother are high. Too high perhaps, I am only human and sometimes fail to meet my own expectations. My standards for my husband are equally high. I do not throw confetti at him when he vacuums, I will not celebrate his impromptu laundry folding, and I won’t post a gazillion Facebook posts about how awesome he is for watching his kids for a half hour so I can go for a run. I refuse.
Enough of the stereotypical images of the bumbling dad that has to defer to mom in all domestic matters. No more celebrating men for doing the same things moms do without applause. Enough. It sends an awful message to our kids and doesn’t accurately reflect today’s society.
There is no such thing as “women’s work”. There are stay at home dads that are not any less manly because they know how to iron. My husband is not special. He is a father. Fathers cook, clean, help with homework, and do chores. Just like mothers. We are equal partners in all matters (except for the killing of disgusting bugs – him and apple crisp – me).
Obviously certain changes in our lives dictate what our partners are able to do around the house, my husband now spends most of his time at school related activities. I do not expect him to clean the house at 11 pm. when he gets home. He does his fair share in the manner that he can at the moment.
I would not have married a man who was not up for fifty percent of the household, domestic, and child related duties. I married a responsible and self-sufficient man. That was my choice. I did not want to mother a grown man and am thankful I don’t have to. The worst part is my husband saying to me half kidding “You see! I *am* Super Dad! I am above average! Now stop yelling at me when I want to play a few minutes of NBA2K when you want me to finish the laundry.”
Edited to add: Some people (that seriously seem to lack critical thinking and reading comprehension skills) have accused me of being less than supportive of my beloved husband.
Clearly they missed the entire point of the post so let me break it down in simple terms for them.
My husband is amazing but not because he knows how to use a broom. He got himself into an Ivy League school you bet your you know what I expect more from this man than the occasional floor sweeping.
Example: Husband folding laundry = appreciated but not amazing.
Husband letting me sleep in on Father’s day = AMAZING. Above and beyond. Incredibly sweet.
If this post is the kind of thing you choose to get up in arms about I question your sanity.
Dear angry ladies: Maybe if you treat yourself with respect and demand more from men you too will end up with a winner. Try it. It works.
ModernMami wrote a similar post you can check out here.
What do you think?