Real Women of Genius: Magical Mom Blogger Creature

Dear magical mom blogger creatures,

I’m on to you.

You often post gorgeous pictures of your shabby chic vintage French sea-side style home taken with your Canon EOS 7D DSLR but I know the truth. You live in a french fry and possum invested hovel worthy of a Hoarders feature. Don’t you? Tell me the truth.

Who are you people? I need some answers because I too am a mom blogger you see. Yet I never seem to have enough time to get it together like you do.

You post pictures of yourself in your latest Anthropologie catalog inspired thrifty find with your feather adorned hair and I marvel. I marvel at your ability to look like a hipster goddess on a budget of $20 and a few pieces of string while I look like a hobo fresh from a rave in an outfit that costs at least twenty times more.

HOW do you do it? You shoplift a lot don’t you? It’s okay. You can tell me. I will not judge.

Your picture perfect precocious children are always Shabby Apple fashionably dressed and holding up mustache photo props in your beautiful watermarked photos that you treated with the latest en vogue textures and Photoshop actions that you learned how to use while running an amateur photography business during your downtime.

You lock your kids up in kennels in order to find time to blog. I knew it. Be real. We are friends and if I am to be completely honest, during our last play date I noticed that they smelled faintly of Snausages.

Then you post original drool worthy recipes you make nightly with ingredients grown in your award winning porch garden where your fancy urban chickens with elegant names like Winston roam. I get jealous. I do. What you don’t know is I rifled through your trash last time I came over. I confess. I did. I saw that box of Hamburger Helper.

Oh and there is your Etsy shop. You often feature many of your artsy envy inducing creations. Just yesterday I marveled at your ability to loom a kaftan out of the donated hairs of Himalayan monks. You even donate 99% of the proceeds to your favorite charity: The Human Fund.

I get it. You’re better than me.

Well listen up you tight assed Lululemon & Tom’s wearing Petunia Picklebottom carrying Uppababy pushing DSLR toting impeccably styled better than me mommies – I am on to you.

Mythical Mom Blogger Creature: I salute you.

This blog post is lovingly dedicated to all of my favorite mom bloggers. You are all better than me and I am jealous. I still love you though. You know who you are.


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  1. HAHAHAH love it

  2. LMAO, I LOVE THIS. Soooo true. I made hamburger helper a couple nights ago. I daydream about locking Ryan in the closet from time to time. Dog kennel is even better. I’ll stalk these ladies with you, as we pose with our DSLRs and unwashed ponytails, until we figure out what is really up their sleeves.

  3. LOL i love this! I often wonder the same things. Can’t wait to meet you in August!!!

  4. LOL. I love you!! Never cease to make me laugh :)

  5. I’m embarassed to admit… were those brand names real or made up? If they’re real, I’m more out of it than I thought!

  6. I think you just described the Mormon Mom Blogger…yes, they are quite perfect in every way. The rest of us? Eh.

  7. ROFL I will never be that kind of mom/blogger. My kids are the ones running around naked in my messy house while I order pizza online.

  8. Love this. And they do it all while wearing 4 inch heels.

  9. If I only have an Etsy shop and the stuff is just ok, am I exempt? Please say yes.

    Also, please tell me you’ve seen Seriously, So Blessed. If not, Google.

  10. Yes. Just yes. I wonder the same thing all the time! In fact my very first blog post ever was about how I will never be one of THOSE women. I am just not that together. Are those their actual children? Or did they get cast from a modeling agency and they just show up to photoshoots periodically? Their real mothers are off somewhere shuttling them around in an uncool car while wearing boring jeans and flip flops with not a cute hairstyle to be seen, right?

  11. Aha! It’s all so true. And thanks for suggesting of locking my kids in a kennel. Now I can be INTERNET FAMOUS.

  12. I’m right with you. I’m having a hard time finding the time. And that much to say. Every day.

  13. I like the PPB shout out. Great post and now I have the budweiser commercials stuck in my head. XOXO

  14. You are the most hilarious and wonderful person I know. Your wit and honesty makes you 10x better than those mommy bloggers. Swear/

  15. You had me laughing. I had to clean poop off the all today because my 4 year old figured out that if it sticks to her hands it my stick to the wall. Damn she has a good arm.

  16. HA HA! My wife and I talk about this too. SO FUNNY!

    All the same, though, it’s a job. Some work harder, some work smarter. :)

    Nice place you have here!

  17. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who wonders how the hell they do it! I feel so inadequate and lazy when I read all those perfect blogs!

  18. Actually, the dog kennel has become too small for my kids. I just lock them in the laundry room while I devour the last two honeybuns : )

  19. I love you. Really, I do. This made me laugh so hard. I wonder this all the time. If the perfest mama bloggers even to 10% of what they say, I bow to their awesome and will read them in continued fascination.

  20. Bahahaha. We are ALL thinking. I mean come on…who ARE these crazy women. They are surely on some kind of drug right???

  21. Guilty as charged:

    I kid. I wish I was half as incredible as the woman you’re describing…

  22. This.Is.Fabulous.

  23. ROFL, UR pretty awesome!

  24. Have I told you lately…that I love you?

  25. Well I have a few Petunia Pickle Bottoms (purchased used and for cheap!), but other than that I promise I am a mess :) This was a hilarious post!

  26. Actually, I bribe my son with an iPad and gummy worms in order to get those perfect J. Crew photographs that I take…hilarious!

  27. One day, when I grow up, I want to be one of *those* kinds of mom bloggers. Until then, I’ll be the secret-truth-blogger that you mentioned. *sigh* I can dream, right?

  28. One day, when I grow up, I want to be one of *those* kinds of mom bloggers. Until then, I’ll be the secret-truth-blogger that you mentioned. *sigh* I can dream, right?

  29. LOL Hilarious! Great post.

  30. I’m sure it has a lot to do with the ‘Catfight’ phenomenon. And you know I bet their children sleep thru the night, on pressed organic sheets.

  31. I wish these women would come take care of my house so I can catch up on my blog

  32. BWAAAHHHHH – you are amazing. You put it perfectly and I don’t even have little kids anymore, I got them to move out a couple of years ago and I STILL feel inadequate.
    Thank you for the laugh, I almost woke my absolutely supportive of my blog husband who is snoring next to me.

  33. This is FANTASMIC. You and me? We need to talk. rofl.

    Really I almost cried when I took a lovely picture with my children, I thought “Hey! I will put it on my blog” Then I noticed…my nursing tank was unsnapped and half a boob was showing, DAMN!

  34. Now why didn’t I think to lock the kids up in kennels?! I guess I have to go buy some today.

  35. “tight assed Lululemon & Tom’s wearing Petunia Picklebottom carrying Uppababy pushing DSLR toting” = EVERYONE in my neighborhood. LOVE this post.

  36. ROFLMAO!!! LOVE IT!!! That was great!!

  37. Reading that, I think we all have our own particular blogger in mind that is the Mythical Mom Blogger Creature. I have been trying to figure out how “she” does it and the only conclusion I can come to is that she’s a Stepford Wife. Duh.

  38. I totally love this post. Hehehe

  39. I just love it when I make so many typos in a single comment! But, oh well. This post is so great, it warrants a second comment anyway :)

  40. There’s a reason everyone uses their 50mm lens – it blurs out the background!! :)

  41. Great post! I am jealous of all the mommy bloggers with those fancy cameras. I am saving for one though. So I can do carry one around taking awesome photos for my blog.

  42. HAHAHA! Love this post! I have often wondered the same things about a lot of bloggers, moms and dads. And now I know the truth! Most of them have a house that looks like mine! buahaha. Great stuff! Thanks for sharing the link!

  43. I believe this is the best blog post I have ever read.

  44. Whoa!! That was Fantastic!! Haha- AND I LOVE YOUR BLOG!! Following / Recommending and SHARING with my Whole Pregnancy page!!! I am also SO grabbing a button from you! :) (Also if you visit the blog I LINKED to my comment! :) Youll see links and etc to get you to our Facebook fan page! We have almost 17000 now!! So we’ll be SURE to spread the word!) Take care! & KEEP POSTING Great Post! xoxoxox ♥

  45. The ones I wonder about the most are the ones who do all of that, and they home school their eight children. How do they do it? Now I know. They lock them in kennels, and throw a book in.

  46. This post is freaking awesome! Great job.

  47. This is FANTASTIC!! Thank you for saying what I’ve been thinking 😉

  48. Now that is funny! 😉

  49. I think I love you! LOL! I really enjoyed reading this.

  50. Ha! And now that you’re in Ithaca, you’ll be able to experience all those mythical creatures up close & personal! 😉

  51. i got a kick out of this – thank you ^_^

  52. Totally late to this party, but I love it.

    And I thought it was just me.

  53. LOVE THIS. I thought I was the only one who thought this!

  54. I am in awe of magical mom blogger creatures, too! How crafty of you to figure out how they do it. ;D
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  55. This was cracking me up, best post ever!!!!
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