Last week marked my one year anniversary as a stay at home mom! Can you believe how time flies? So much has changed since I broke the news. I remember how overwhelmed I was at the prospect of staying home alone with a newborn and toddler all day. Scary! I definitely had some scary moments like when Pweezy cracked five month old Cmoney in the head with a vacuum attachment as she sat in her bumbo. I called an ambulance! Overreaction? Probably, but what the hell did I know? I was no professional. My fear, nervousness, and anxious anxiety ebbed and flowed for months.

I was overjoyed to be home with the kids but I am a planner by nature and I never planned on being a stay at home mom. I never visualized myself alone with two small children, entertaining them, and caring for them nonstop day in and day out, but then again I never imagined I would be married with two small children fourteen months apart so once again what the hell do I know?

I overcame the scariness, found my rhythm, and had a blast almost everyday.

Then we left Vermont.

We had a terrific summer. We spent almost three months as a family exploring Central New York and familiarizing ourselves with our surroundings. Everything was great.

Then school started.

My husband had taken a few recruiting trips over the summer, while I stayed in Ithaca with the kids. I remember counting down the minutes until he would return. Taking care of a toddler and infant in the sweltering heat in a new (tiny, tiny) place was brutal. I survived. The first half of the semester was breezy. Challenging for my husband but not insane. We slowly acclimated to the business school lifestyle with all the recruiting, networking, and schmoozing in addition to the actual studying.

Then the second half of the semester started and it got cold outside.

My husband is taking his last final exam of the semester tomorrow and we are barely breathing at this point. My husband has never been subjected to academic rigor of this caliber, I have never felt/been so alone, and it is too cold to spend 2-4 hours outside taking pictures and playing with the kids. Ohmygod.

How will we survive?

I have no idea but I know I will. I made it a year. My family is well cared for and happy. So am I. This isn't the life I envisioned a few years ago but I am finally old enough to understand that nothing goes according to plan. I do not miss working outside the home. Okay maybe that's a lie. I miss a few of my coworker friends, cracking jokes at meetings, and hiding in conference rooms to eat Twix bars. Oh and I have nothing to gossip about now. : )

It is still too soon to know where we will end up in seventeen months so I am forcing myself to stop visualizing and planning for the unknown. I do not know what the future holds. Maybe I'll get my MBA and go back to school too. Maybe I won't. There is time for everything to sort itself out. For now I am a stay (work?) at home mom and that is totally cool with me.