I have to keep my phone on silent due to the plethora of penis pictures that get sent to me on a daily basis. Alrighty that is not true. I am apparently not special enough to warrant a special penis text message from Brett Favre of Kanye West BUT some ladies apparently are.

Brett Favre's Cellphone Seduction Of Jenn Sterger
(NSFW video but it is pretty damn funny)

Kanye West NUDE PHOTOS Being Shopped? Alleged Penis Pics Surface

This gets my goat because: NO WOMAN WANTS TO SEE A PENIS ON THEIR CELL PHONE!

What the hell is the value of such a text? Does it ever generate a positive response? - Woman looking at cell phone:
Hmm, that looks good. I'll have that.
I am fairly certain that such an occurrence is extremely rare.

Attention creepy men and that includes you Kanye & Brett: Stop sending women pictures of your penises. Period. Just don't do it.

We have enough on our plates without having to take the time to upload your pictures onto the internet and have them mocked mercilessly by the general public.

What the hell is up with these commercials? They are super annoying and non-sensical.

The man is creepy, way more creepy than the masked king mascot of Burger King yesteryear, and he does not make me hungry. His appearance is quite unappetizing.

Why the hell is he shouting about an epic flute solo?
I do not like it and wish it would stop.
I would be willing to eat Burger King breakfast every day for a year in order to make it stop. Seriously.

Bed bugs are the Justin Bieber of the bug world right now. They are riding a wave of popularity that I have never witnessed before in my lifetime. I get it. Bed bugs are everywhere and I am not happy about it.

I travel for work and now on top of checking my hotel room closets for murderers, dodging the semen stained blankets and comforters, and checking for hidden video cameras I now have to worry about bed bugs too. Fabulous.

Luckily I have found a solution. I will sleep in an astronaut suit that I will cobble together from plastic garbage bags, duct tape, and a motorcycle helmet and I will keep my luggage in the bathtub.