31 things I learned in 31 years.
In no particular order.
- If someone brings you to a strip club on your first date you should RUN AWAY!
- Ordering a party sized pizza for Super Bowl sounds great in theory but in practice it's probably too large for your fridge.
- Eating pizza that's been chilling on your kitchen counter for four days will make you violently ill.
- Photography makes life much more beautiful.
- Cats don't like to be ridden like little horses. Stupid feline jerks.
- Expensive shoes are totally worth it. Sometimes.
- Never take random pills you find on your bedroom floor. They might not be Aleve. D'oh.
- Never eat white anchovies. Ever! If miserable death had a flavor white anchovy would be it.
- Quoting Wu-Tang clan will out you as an old lady.
- Banana peels are slippery. Watch out for those tricky bastards.
- My children make me a much better person, unless Caillou is on.
- Sometimes people I've wronged & asked for forgiveness won't forgive me. That's okay. I've forgiven myself & moved on.
- Helping others who do not have the means to do the same for me is essential. Remember to do it often.
- Not to dart like a rabid squirrel in front of minivans with distracted drivers at the wheel in an effort to pompously force them to stop. The end result is a lost shoe and a semi shoeless walk of shame down Newbury Street, Boston back to the office.
- Always accept bets where the challenge is out eating grown men. I'm unbeatable.
- If you find a garbage bag full of panties in someone's closet there is no logical explanation.
- Make sure my sports bra is not on backwards before hitting the gym.
- I don't like Mama's boys. At all.
- Drinking several pots of coffee each day will eventually land me in the emergency room.
- Vermont is the coldest place on Earth. **** facts. That is my truth.
- The world is not going to end in 2012. A cab driver in Indianapolis told me. I hugged him.
- Not to drink any and all alcoholic beverages that rappers name check in their songs. Moscato really isn't that good. It does however make me want to do "it" with no hands.
- Every personal failure I've suffered has been followed with an incredible success. Don't whine over the failures. Keep moving.
- My faith is my own and it doesn't make me less of a servant to keep it to myself.
- People you meet via social media are sometimes amazing and other times downright horrible. Just like real life.
- Never turn down pumpkin flavored anything.
- Not to wish life away. It's too short.
- Sometimes it's okay to let people look at you funny. I am not Brenda Johnson, I don't have to keep it real all.the.time. It's exhausting and can get you arrested.
- I'm completely insane when pregnant and it's probably best for society if I don't do that again. You're welcome society.
- There comes a time when a woman has to retire her denim mini skirt. Tear.
- Never forget that I am blessed beyond belief and thank God every day.
