Guest Blogger Post: Breastfeeding Was an Easy Choice Because I’m Cheap!

I am happy to introduce The Funsucker. Check her out at The Funsucker Chronicles. I think she is hilarious and after you read her post I know that you will agree. 

Breastfeeding Was an Easy Choice Because I’m Cheap!

All 3 of my children have been breastfed. The first one only lasted 6 months due to a nasty case of thrush that scarred both of us for life. I thought I would have to go to kindergarten with the other two. Weaning was not our thing. Although I knew that it was, I didn’t breastfeed because it was best for my baby. I did it because I am cheap and lazy. There I said it. 

CHEAP and L-A-Z-Y.

I still remember the new parent classes they make you go to when you are about to birth a military brat. They practically order you to breastfeed. They tell you all the reasons it’s better for your baby. The vitamins, the antibodies, the skin-to-skin contact – all good things I wanted for my child. But what put me over the top was when they mentioned that breast milk is free and conveniently prepackaged.

It had never occurred to me before that day. No late night trips to the store for formula when you run out. Just pop out a tit. No mixing and measuring and toting around bottles. Just pop out a tit. No bottle washing and sterilizing. Just pop out a tit. No getting up in the middle of the night and trudging down to the kitchen for a bottle. Just pop out a tit. Oh my God this is so EASY!

I spent the first few months with that baby on the couch in my PJ’s with my boob hanging out. Most evenings Mr. Funsucker would come home only to find me asleep on the couch with the baby in my arms and my boob hanging out. I spent so much time on that couch that my butt became permanently indented with the waffle texture of the sofa fabric.

I learned not to be shy about breastfeeding too. When you live on a military base, every other woman is either pregnant or breastfeeding. And the men don’t even bat an eye when they witness this miracle of motherhood. It’s practically a free boobfest and they don’t even notice. But tell them there’s a 2-drink minimum and they can’t contain themselves. Go figure!

But we weren’t on just any military base. This was 29 Palms in the California high Desert. That’s about 100 miles from nowhere and 6 feet from hell. The average summertime temperature there is 842° F in the shade. I’m not kidding. It’s hot. And dry. So dry, in fact that air conditioning is completely ineffective. Base housing is equipped with a “swamp cooler”. Don’t let the name fool you. It was not damp and it did not get cooler.

In that kind of heat, when it’s time to feed the baby, covering up is not an option. I remember many a party where3 or 4 of us wives were lined up on the couch with babies on our boobs. Our husbands would just hang out and do what Marines do best, chugging beer. The running joke with my husband’s buddies was, “hey, I’ve seen your wife’s boobs.” “Yeah who’s haven’t you seen?” I breast fed at changes of command, parades, potlucks, the bowling alley, the drive in movie, the exchange, and even at the commissary. I could breastfeed in the middle of a church if I wanted to and no one would have had a problem with it.  

My question for you, is where’s the strangest place you’ve ever nursed your baby? Were you ever uncomfortable nursing in public? Tell us all about it!