My Daughter (or Son) as a Toddler in a Tiara?

A lot of people enjoy watching Toddlers & Tiaras on TLC because it is good trashy television. The show is train wreck watching at its finest. Unlike the majority of horrified viewiers I wouldn't mind if my daghter or son wanted to compete in a beauty pageant. I competed in pageants when I was younger and have acquired some insider knowledge.

• Not all pageants are of the glitz variety. I did not know that these even existed until the end of my pageant "career". There are plenty of parents that are opposed to spray tanning, hair extensions, and half-naked creepy tomfoolery. My mother wouldn't allow me to wear makeup in pageants until I was a teenager.

• Pageants don't have to be ridiculously expensive. My single mother managed to have us compete and she also retained her ability to pay the bills. A thousand dollar dress isn't going to win the pageant for your child but a million dollar smile will. *jazz hands* Side note: I am not sure how my mother pulled it off but the poor woman did have to drive a mustard yellow hatchback AMC Spirit for awhile. Don't google. It'll burn your eyes.

• They do teach some tangible skills. Prior to competing in pageants I was very shy and had no interest in socializing with my peers. Now look at me! 

Listen if someone wants to shower me (or my children) with cash and prizes because they are a fan of my outward appearance and/or sparkling (notsomuch for me) personality then who I am to stop them? I think it would be incredibly rude of me to deprive those people of that which brings them so much joy. I am just doing my part to help keep America beautiful. I'm a patriot, according to Sarah Palin's definition anyway. 

Seriously though the ability to convince a few random judges to select you as the next Little Miss/Mr. Pumpkin Patch USA or whatever should be considered a talent. It means you're gregarious, outgoing, entertaining, or at the very least a very convincing prize hungry sociopath. What's wrong with that? These are the skills that one will need to succeed in corporate America and beyond. Why not begin instilling them in our children as soon as possible?

Everyone knows that the very BEST reason to allow your kids to compete in beauty pageants is for the photographic blackmail you will acquire.

I cannot figure out how to use my scanner (pictures of pictures and therefore not the best quality) but please do check these out:

You're laughing? Well take a look at those ribbons and suck it!

We do look good here. Those people couldn't do brown people hair to save their lives though.

Oh? You've never "modeled" underneath a car in a denim dress & construction boots? HIGH. FASHION.

Now I know that I am crazy and you guys are usually my voice of reason. Would you let your kids compete? Why or why not?