Things You Should Never Say To A Pregnant Maniac

I know that I am easily annoyed and I have heard that I am worse when pregnant. All it takes is something as bizarre as a man on stilts or as mundane as an objectionable bumper sticker to send me into a bizarre angry tailspin for a few minutes.

This Simpsons quote sums me up fairly well:

Principal Skinner: (to Edna Krabappel) I've always admired your tart honesty and ability to be personally offended by broad social trends.

One would think that people who are well acquainted with me would be used to the ease with which I can spin into a frenzy of faux outrage over any perceived indignity. Charmed yet?

Anyway what would possess a person to ask ME whether I would be returning to work after the birth of my second child. Perhaps you are a reasonable person and this appears to be an innocent question. Believe me it isn't. My husband and I work for the same company in the same building. He has never once been asked whether he would be returning to work after the arrival of our second child? Why is this?

Any guesses?

It is a rude question. It is none of anybody's business. Also what kind of idiot would I be to admit openly that I would not be returning post maternity leave? As if I am going to give up the few weeks of paid maternity leave that I am entitled to per the FMLA.

This question angered me.

I responded: "No and why would you assume such a thing?"

Individual: "Well you would be working just to pay for daycare."

Really? I would? How did you get a hold of last year's tax return? Seriously?

This question was not only sexist, nosy, and inappropriate but now this person was making a statement about my household income which really irritated me. I kindly informed the individual that although day care is expensive my husband and I work very hard to ensure that we can afford the best care available for our children. Also we do not believe in having children that we cannot afford. Our bank accounts are fine. Thanks for asking.

Sadly I have been asked much more annoying things but that question angered me the most because of the thinly veiled sexism behind it. I was also pregnant last year. A male coworker asked me whether I planned on breastfeeding. I reminded him that I do not ask about his balls and he should afford me the same courtesy by not asking about my breasts.

Offering a blunt response and shocking the inappropriate inquisitors seems to be my best defense but when will people learn? There are some things you should never say to a pregnant maniac. Ever.

What is the worst thing said to you during your pregnancy?